So, here I sit, with no moon in sight, alone and at home. The lights are off... windows are open... as I sit here and cuddle my cat, Anakin, as the cool breeze moves around us. I sit here, pondering and mulling over my place in this world. My divine purpose. After much thought, my purpose in THIS life seems to elude me.
Now, for those of you who have experienced such an epiphany, I welcome to you join me on the bench of the purpose-less. The deep and dark place of solitude that very few of us want to venture with the thought of "What if this is as good as it gets?"
For those of you that haven't, it is a melancholy conclusion to reach for anyone, as I'm sure you can imagine. It's disheartening and sends your gears turning. Sending your psyche whirling in as many different directions as you can imagine. You think about what you can do to change this path you're on... and you try to fight this realization kicking and screaming.
I, personally, have been kicking and screaming a LOT lately. Wondering about going back to school, finding a job, or otherwise compromising my mental health to get ahead, so that Jeff, my husband, doesn't have to work himself sick and miserable. It really is very exhausting to worry and think about things that are basically outside of your control as much as I have been lately.
I suppose, for now... I will remain lost in this limbo of thought. To ponder and wonder some more on what my divine purpose is. I wish, more than anything, that my Granddaddy were here to give me some direction on my purpose. He always knew the right things to say and do to motivate me in the right direction, despite his perception that I never listened to him.
As always, thank you for reading my ramblings... be safe, and know that you are loved. If not by anyone else, then by me.
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